Raistlin's Adventures in Hyrule
by Shinigami aka Wynter
Summary: Just what it sounds like. Rated PG for mild language and Navi bashing. ^_~
1. Raistlin's Predictiment

Raistlin Majere was sitting at hsis desk in the tower of High Sorcery, and as always, in a foul mood. He was writing out a list of ways to kill   
  
Dalamar, when suddenly his door blew open and in flew a little white ball.  
  
"WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE ABYSS IS THAT THING!?????" He screeched at the top of his lungs, resulting in a painfull coughing   
  
spasm that dubbled him over. "damn" He cursed quietly. Raistlin dusted off his black robes and stood up to greet whatever disrupted him at   
  
study.  
  
"HE HEYLISTENLISTEN!" The glowing ball squealed "HEYHEYEHEYEHEYHEYHEYHEY!"  
  
"sigh" Raistlin picked up his spell book and squished whatever that thing was. "Odd." He then grabbed a different spell book and began   
  
reading. Just as he setteld down, his door blew open agian, a brownish red rolling thing rolled into his office and stood up.   
  
"Hello." It said. I'm a G-" but before it could finish, Raistlin kicked it out of his study and locked the door.  
  
Again, Raistlin had just sat down when it burst open again. Raistlin was getting pissed. "WHAT NOW?!"  
  
A red haired man, dressed in armor had Dalamar by the throat. "HAND OVER THE TRIFORCE OR I KILL YOUR ELF!"   
  
"I don't know what this triforce thing is but please, take Dalamar."   
  
"SHALIFI!" Dalamar pleaded. "THINK THIS OVER!"  
  
"Ok......thought about it.... BYE DALLY!" Raistlin waved pleasently as a screaming Dalamar was dragged out of the door by the red haired   
  
man.  
  
"Hmm....maybe this will work out anyway." But before Raistlin could sit down, the white ball bounced out from underneath the spell book.  
  
"I thought I killed you?" Raistlin asked the white thing, confused.  
  
"SORRY!I'M INVINCABLE! EEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEE!"  
  
"Crikey..." Was all Raistlin could get out. "This is going to be a loooooooong day...." 


	2. The Fairy That Wouldn't Die

This is a very short chapter, and I apologize for it. And also for the way Chapter one turned out. My computer really hates me. Some things to say that I didn't before. That is the fact that Dragonlance and Zelda do not belong to me. They belong to their respective owners and not the insane little fan who sits at her computer writing crap 25 hours a day! Just had to get the disclaimer through. Sueing is not pleasent and I personally don't want it hapenning to me! Thanx! And please Read and Review kind people!  
  
~Shinigami  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Hmm..." Raistlin pondered after hearing about the dilema this land called Hyrule had developed. "So....you want me, to risk MY ass to   
  
save some land I've never even heard about till now?"  
  
"Yupyup!" The fairy bubbled.   
  
"This charecter Ganondorf. He's bad, right?"  
  
"Oh yes. Very nasty. He wants to take over Hyrule! And evantually the whole world!"  
  
Raistlin glared. Then jumped onto his desk and in a loud angry voice shouted, "HE WILL NOT TAKE OVER THE WORLD!"  
  
Navi was quite happy, until she heard what else Raistli n said.   
  
"THAT'S MY JOB!" Raistlin lept down from his desk, grabbed the fairy in his hand and tore out the door, flew down 30 flights of stairs, and  
  
ran out of the door of the tower. "NOW TAKE ME TO HYRULE, FAIRY! ON THE DOUBLE!"  
  
"We didn't have to run all that way you know." Navi stated bluntly. "I could have just done this." With that, Navi engulfed them both in a   
foul smelling mist and they dissapered. 


	3. Ducky Pajamas

This Chapter will actually have something to it! *gasp* MORE THAN 2 PARAGRAPHS!? The world is shocked I tell ya. Oh well. In this Chapter Raistlin actaully gets to Hyrule! And for all of you Navi haters, there be more Fairy splats to come! ^_~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The two emerged from a foul smelling mist. Navi flew out but Raistlin was nowhere to be seen. But as the mist evaporated, a coughing, wheezing and very angry figure was slumped on the ground.   
"DON'T YOU KNOW I HAVE WEAK LUNGS?" He screamed.  
Navi was blown backwards by the sheer force of his voice and sent tumbling to the ground.   
"Never would have guessed...." The fairy sighed.  
"Oh well." Raistlin got up. "Hey...where's my staff?" He scanned the ground and then looked up at Navi. "Do you mean to tell me we left Krynn without the Staff of Magius?" His voice was calm but he was looking at Navi with a wierd glint in his eye that made the fairy uneasy.   
"Umm....y-yeah....I guess....I was kinda hoping you could use a sword or something?" It was more of a question than a statement.  
"A sword." Raistlin started to laugh. He laughed loud and voilently. " A SWORD? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! No."  
"Why not?" Navi asked, afraid of the answer.  
Raistlin grabbed the fairy in his hand, squished it, put it under his boot and ground it into paste. "A sword. Why would I use a sword." He laughed to himself and started to walk away when he heard something.  
"Why not?" Perked the fairy's voice.  
"WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!"  
"I thought you had weak lungs."  
Raistlin proceded to beat on the fairy with a nearby rock but everytime he aimed to hit her, the fairy flew out of reach. Suddenly a new voice joined the battle.  
"Stop the fighting. You're giving me a headache! Why can't we all love each other?"  
Raistlin turned, rock still in hand. "Who the hell are you?" The speaker was a tall boy, around 17 with sandy blonde hair, blue eyes and pointed ears. He had a teddy bear tucked under one arm and was wearing ducky pj's.   
"My name's Link."  
"Ahh yes. Raistlin?" Navi turned to face the mage. "This is Hyrule's hero. Or at least he was."  
Raistlin burst out laughing. "THIS IS YOUR HOPE?! HA! NO WONDER YOUR WORLD IS SUFFERING!"  
"Well that's not very nice." Link pouted. "I'll have you know that I saved this land before and I could do it again. But I just despise fighting so much!"   
Navi leaned over to Raistlin, "He's been like this ever since he defeated Ganondorf the first time. I think something happened to him in the chamber of Sages."  
Raistlin looked at Link, the stuffed animal tucked under his arm, and his ducky pajamas then collapsed into a fit of psycotic laughter. "You guys are in SOOOOOOOOOO much trouble!"   
"Link, maybe you should go back to bed. I have some things to disscuss with 'Toaster Boy' here."  
Raistlin glared. "Don't call me Toaster Boy."  
"Fine. Now let's go meet the Princess. She'll tell you everything you need to know about Gannondorf. Then you can go confront him yourself! And then when you defeat him you will by Hyrule's hero! And everyone will be so happy! They'll give you a medal! And sing songs, and-"  
"Do you ever shut up?" Raistlin interuppted. "You're like a little gnome!"  
The fairy paid no heed to Raistlin's insult and continued babling. Raistlin trudged on. What a day...he thought to himself...a hero with a teddy bear and ducky pj's. A fairy that won't shut up. And some dude that want's to take over the world. At least I'm not bored.... 


	4. Meet the Princess

*sigh* I'm compleatly out of ideas for this story. I have a huge problem.*_* So this chapter is probably going to be very mangled. Sorry people. My brain left me.... Oh. And this could be a spoiler as of who the sages are in Zelda. But there probably aren't that many people who haven't beaten Ocarina of Time. But I feel a lttle warning should be in order! Thanx!  
  
~Shingami  
  
  
  
  
The two continued walking across the field untill they got to the castle town.  
"So many ugly people, so little hygene." Raistlin commented as they walked through the town.   
"How many times do I have to tell you, BE SENSITIVE! These people have feelings to you know!" The fairy scolded. "Just because they aren't the cleanest group, doesn't give you that right!"   
Raistlin swatted the fairy and pointed to a man with a beard down to his belt line. "Aren't clean? HA! THAT GUYS BEARD PROBABLY HASN'T SEEN WATER IN A YEAR! I mean look at him! He probably has food left over in it FROM CHRISTMAS! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"  
"Hey kid!" The bearded man said angryliy. "This beard is my pride and joy! Doesn't it look lux-"   
"Shut up beard boy." Raistlin said simply.  
Navi sighed heavily. "Come on Raistlin, were almost at the castle gates."  
Raistlin contiued laughing at the people and was having a jolly old time untill a fat woman with a dog kicked him in the shin. "Don't you talk about my Richard that way!"  
Raistlin promptly incinerated her dog and continued walking.  
"Were at the castle gates. You wait here, I have to go speak with the princess. And don't cause any trouble!" Navi sped off leaving Raistlin with that warning. But when she got back, she found Raistlin in an argument with the castle gaurd. Navi sighed. "It's allright Maxwell," Navi informed the gaurd, "He's with me."  
"Yeah, you idiot! I'm with the fairy!" Raistlin said, self importantly. And he stalked off, leaving Navi to apologize to the enraged gaurd.  
"What happend there Raistlin?"  
"Well, he told me to stop loitering!"  
"Were you?"  
"I WAS WAITING FOR YOU, YOU STUPID BALL OF LIGHT!"  
"sigh, go on."  
"Then he tried to shoo me away. So I stole his helmet." Raistlin stated simply.  
"Why did you steal his helmet?"  
"Cause he tried to shoo me! NO ONE 'SHOO'S' RAISTLIN MAJERE!"  
Soon they reached the castle, Navi lead Raistlin through the hallway untill they reached 2 large doors, decorated with golden engravings. The doors parted and opened up into a grand throne room. A young woman, about 17, stood up to greet them.   
"Hello Raistlin." The princess smiled. "Welcome to Hyrule Castle."  
"Hn. You don't look like you're in THAT much trouble here." Raistlin commented.  
Zelda was taken aback. "Oh but we ARE! You don't understand. Let me explain it to you, please."  
"Oy. Here we go with the explaining again.Do you people ever shut up??"  
Ignoring his rude comment, Zelda went on with her story.  
  
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"Allright. So I have to go talk to all these people and gather medallions from them, bring them to you and THEN go kick this guy Gannondork's ass, right?"  
"It's Gannondorf, and yes."  
"Well....were do I go first?"  
"First you head over to a place called the Lost Woods. There you will meet a girl named Saria. She will give you the forest medallion. Navi, you know where this is, lead Raistlin to it right away."  
"Right Princess." The fairy nodded her head in understanding and flew off, Raistlin running to keep up.  
Zelda stood alone. "I wonder if I made the right choice in choosing him. He does seem a little mentally unstable...oh well. He'll have to do untill we can coax Link out of his pajamas....." 


	5. Forests and Fairys and Sages, OH MY!

Behold the wonder that is chapter 5! I now present you with: Forests and Fairys and Sages, OH MY! This is a long chapter! It WILL involve some scroll bar action! And for me, that be a long story! Yay! *does happy dance*  
  
  
  
Raistlin looked at the list of names and places Zelda had given him. There were six. And first off was a young girl named Saria. He glanced up at Navi. "So where exactly is this Lost Woods place?"  
"We enter through Kokiri Forest."  
"....That explains a lot."  
Navi sighed. "We go through that grove of trees, cross a bridge, and wind up in Kokiri Forest. We'll stop there for the night. It's dangerous in the Lost Woods after the sun has set."  
"Yeah yeah." Raistlin waved his hand dismissively. "Just take me somewhere to eat."  
"Ahh. We're here!"  
"Where? All I see is a bunch of trees and a big log."   
"Through the log, Raistlin." Navi instructed. "Well. Go on!" Raistlin didn't move.   
"I don't trust you fairy. You go first." But before Navi could even agree, Raistlin grabbed her out of the air and hurled her into the log. When he heard no sounds of death and pain, he walked in. Though slightly miffed the fairy still lived.  
"See?" Navi smirked. "No monsters or danger."  
"I see the greatest monster of all time right in front of my face. Damn fairy." Raistlin mumbled under his breath.  
Navi turned around. "What was that?"  
"Nothing at all. Just keep walking..or flying for that matter.  
The two soon reached a small forest. Complete with small houses and small people!  
"Hey Navi...are there any adults in this place? Or is it run by evil little children?"  
"The Kokiri are a group of people who never grow old! They live forever in this forest under the watchfull eye of the Deku Tree. Or...they did....Now it's just a Deku Tree sprout....But....It's a big sprout!!!"  
"OK....can we just go to sleep?"  
".....we can use Link's house...."  
"Good. So what are we waiting for?"  
"But there is a problem...."  
"Which is?" Raistlin demanded impatiently.  
"The bed might be a little bit small....and there is a cow in the house....."  
"A cow?"  
"Um....yeah...."  
"Who the hell keeps a freaking COW IN THEIR HOUSE??!!!!?? Nevermind. I'll sleep here." With that, Raistlin fell onto the ground and went to sleep.  
  
  
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In the morning, the Kokiri had been kind enough to present the mage with a basket of Deku Berries and some milk for breakfast. Raistlin had thanked them (kind of) and headed off with the fairy to find the Forest Sage, Saria.  
  
  
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They soon came to another 'log thing with wierd noises coming from it that I don't trust' as Raistlin had delicately put it, and entered it.  
"Woah." Raistlin came to a dead stop as they entered. "Creepy music."  
"Ignore it! It's just the Skull Kids playing their flutes. Nothing to worry about! Now follow me and don't make any wrong turns! Cause if you do, you'll get lost!"  
"At least I'll be away from you."  
"Don't be mean."  
Raistlin stuck out his tounge and reluctantly followed the fairy.  
They made many twists and turns, and seemed to be going in circles until the trees opened up into a great clearing.  
"This is the Sacred Forest Medow. We're almost at the place where Saria is!"  
"Oh goody.More little people." Raistlin dug his hands deep into the pockets of his robes and continued to follow the fairy.  
"Here we are!" Navi burst suddenly. Disrupting Raistlin's day dream where he gleefully wrapped his hands around the fairy's neck, choking the nasty little thing to death. "HI SARIA!" The fairy screeched. "IT'S ME! NAVI!!!!"   
"I think the whole world knows of your presence now." Raistlin rubbed his sore ears. He walked up the stairs towards the green haired girl and sighed. "How can this little thing be a sage?"  
"I'm older than you." She said smartly.  
"How did you hear that?"  
"I also have better hearing." She tapped her pointed ears and grinned.  
"Yeah whatever." Raistlin grumbled. "Can I get the Forest Medallion now? I just want to hurry up and get back to Krynn."  
"Of course! Here it is. But can you do this?" Saria tossed up the Forest Medallion into the air, then she added deku nuts and rocks untill she had a stream of ten objects juggling in the air above her head. "HAHA! Look at this! I've perfected it! I bet you couldn't do this in a MILLION YEARS!"  
"No." Raistlin admitted. "But I can do this." With that, he snatched the green medallion out of mid air and headed back down the stairs. "Next on the list....Death Mountian.....for the Fire Medallion I do belive......."  
"Right. Now let's hurry!" Navi bounced.  
"Do I get to throw you off the mountian?"  
"Umm....no..."  
"Then I'm walking." Raistlin slipped the medallion into his robes and contiued walking. Slowly. 


	6. On the road to Death Mountain

Goodness! Again, I must say how shocking this is that I'm still getting so many reviews for this story!! I'm so glad you people/elves/gremlins/whatever you are liked it! I had tottaly forgotten about this! I guess the only thing to do is write more! So excuse me if it takes a while to get back into the old swing of things, but here it goes anyway. Oh, and by the way, in case I've stepped on anyones tootsies here, yes, I do know that Raist could wipe out every single orginism on Hyrule, but come now, if he did that, what would the use of the story be? It's just funnier this way. ^_^ Thanks, loves, and tons of hugs go out to all those who reviewed so kindly! You're positive comments mean a lot! So back to me story in which Krynn's greatest mage of all time is forced to spend a while with Hyrule's most annoying being out there. Enjoy!  
  
~Karia  
  
  
  
Raistlin leaned tiredly on a stick he had picked up off the ground to use as a substitute for his staff, as he and Navi walked through Hyrule Field.   
  
"Are we near the mountain yet?"   
  
"Almost, but first, we take a breather in a village known as Kakariko."  
  
"Would it not be easier to say 'Kakariko Village'?" Raistlin looked dubious.  
  
"Well....yes...but..."  
  
Raistlin sighed and threw his pathetic excuse for a staff on the ground. "Staff of Pine Tree doesn't have the same effect....." he looked up ahead of him. "Is that the," He tossed on a mocking tone, "'Village known as Kakariko'?"  
  
Navi didn't seem fazed. "That it is." She bounced along happily. "We're almost there!! Hurry up!"  
  
Raistlin grimaced. "You remind me of Tasslehoff." With that, he sulked his way to the village, with an overly happy fairy leading the way.  
  
  
  
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Inside the village, it was a cheery place, women walked around with their children in tow, men talked about -manly- things with their -manly- friends, and one strange outsider was laughing at them all. A very strange outsider indeed....  
  
"By the dark queen herself! WHAT AN UGLY CHILD!!" Raistlin had to hold on to a building to keep himself from doubling over in tears or laughter, while Navi flew around him, utterly mortifed.  
  
"Raistlin! That lady was to be our source of food and rest for the night! You've blown that now!"  
  
Raistlin shrugged. "I don't care. We should keep moving anyways."  
  
"But...b-but!"  
  
"SHUT UP!" Raistlin grabbed Navi in his fist and clamped it shut. "Stupid thing. If the mountain trail is this way, and if you are still alive, fick your wings." Raistlin felt a small flick inside his hand. "Good. This is the way we go th-OW! DID YOU JUST BITE ME?!"  
  
Navi flew out of Raistlin's fist, thouroughly enraged. "I DID! AND TO TEACH YOU A LESSON! FOLLOW ME AND DON'T TALK BACK!"  
  
Raistlin swatted the fairy and muttered something not very becoming of a gentleman...which he wasn't in the first place, but it really doesn't matter, anyways, he swatted the fairy and they continued walking towards the mountain trail that would lead up to Death Mountain.  
  
Okies. This is a start, and of course, to let you know I'm still alive. n_n On other notes, I'm turning 16 next month, actually, in 23 days to be exact, and of course, as it's nearing the end of the school year, I'm going to have to cram a bit more than I've been doing, the point is, I'm getting older, and need to be a bit more responsible than I am currently, so forgive me if updates are short and spaced far apart, I have a life to live, unfortuntely. I'll try to make them as long and funny as possible, but apolgies if I don't. Life bites the monkeys butt, the monkey eats my cheese, everyday stuck in a rut with more jerkoffs to please. *sigh* My life in a limmerick. Farewell! ((and a long farewell it may be? ~_^)) 


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